marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
