and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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