I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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