And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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