New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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