i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
