Where did you get a picture of my penis
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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