Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
