It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Holy shit dude........stairs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
