First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
