i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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