I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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