One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
