Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
