You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
