I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
