so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
