Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
