she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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