please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
