That's intense
Sponge bath it is.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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