you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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