i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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