Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
