yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
