Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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