They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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