the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
