the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
