just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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