no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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