i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
