New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
