I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The uberlube is also flammable
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
did i just pee glitter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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