Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
