Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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