one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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