Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
