There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
