It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
