If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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