We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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