i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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