Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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