I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
