We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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