It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
