I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
