he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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