we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
