I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
