Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
