pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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