Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
