worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
