He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
