She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
