So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
