My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
