we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
